now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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