Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
