well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
