We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
