i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
