noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize