you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
