I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
