Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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