My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
