A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
