Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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