he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm just crazy horny about you
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
