you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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