I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We have so much sex to catch up on
3 2 1 whiskey
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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