i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
