Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
