They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
