You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
