if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
