the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
