Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
