I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
