He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
