So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You can't motorboat a personality
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This baby is an asshole
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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