i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
don't judge my taste in strippers
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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