if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
