she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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