a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
