We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
