she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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