just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
