If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
