Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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