This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
