More tranny stories later!
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
