Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
