So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
