He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
