I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
