Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
