i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
