his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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