Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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