Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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