It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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