I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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