you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
