Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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