how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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