shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
