remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize