I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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