why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
