I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dating After Heartbreak
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.