We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?