the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
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I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)