My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.