Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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