her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it