Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(615): View more from Tennessee

took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(615): took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now http://tfl.nu/5whe

Replies (7) Good night (1186) Bad night (2566)
Favorite
(315): View more from New York

mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(315): mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!? http://tfl.nu/d0je

Replies (6) Good night (1006) Bad night (2788)
Favorite
(712): View more from Iowa

They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(712): They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some. http://tfl.nu/oeo3

Replies (6) Good night (2786) Bad night (1552)
Favorite
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+44): i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit. http://tfl.nu/4l0m

Replies (5) Good night (2097) Bad night (1010)
Favorite
(214): View more from Texas

Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(214): Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up http://tfl.nu/l4k9

Replies (6) Good night (837) Bad night (1669)
Favorite
(206): View more from Washington

Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(206): Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities http://tfl.nu/0iqe

Replies (11) Good night (3397) Bad night (701)
Favorite
(817): View more from Texas

I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(817): I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information. http://tfl.nu/ct01

Replies (3) Good night (1231) Bad night (809)
Favorite
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(814): Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September... http://tfl.nu/x7my

Replies (5) Good night (1848) Bad night (596)
Favorite
(520): View more from Arizona

Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(520): Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are. http://tfl.nu/sjk3

Replies (5) Good night (1074) Bad night (448)
Favorite
(431): View more from

Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(431): Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches. http://tfl.nu/58c6

Replies (5) Good night (1815) Bad night (394)
Favorite
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(570): Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing http://tfl.nu/4996

Replies (5) Good night (425) Bad night (943)
Favorite
(606): View more from Kentucky

When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(606): When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up. http://tfl.nu/8sfz

Replies (3) Good night (892) Bad night (415)
Favorite
(916): View more from California

I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(916): I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone. http://tfl.nu/6243

Replies (0) Good night (589) Bad night (341)
Favorite
(615): View more from Tennessee

Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(615): Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH? http://tfl.nu/vznl

Replies (7) Good night (426) Bad night (467)
Favorite
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(724): I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well. http://tfl.nu/t3i8

Replies (0) Good night (473) Bad night (182)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard