I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death