I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
