We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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