I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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