If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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