My hand turned me down
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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