ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
