Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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