I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
