College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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