oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I want to make a zoo with you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
