i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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