Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
