The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
