they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
