Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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