I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
