I want to make a zoo with you.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
