I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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