How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
