Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
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I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
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I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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