So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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