I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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