just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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